Writing a condolence message or sympathy card is sometimes difficult for people, because we don’t know what to say exactly. Feeling uncomfortable and awkward, we may postpone the task and end up never writing the message and this may cause the bereaved feeling hurt, angry and even lead to weakening of relations or even loss of friendships.

It is very important to write some words of condolence and words of sympathy as it helps the person grieving and would let them know that their are people who care for them and are ready to walk them through this tough phase in their life. Generally if possible, a hand written sympathy card is the best way to go as it adds a more personal touch and conveys a feeling of closeness. You should also try to reveal your genuine feelings and thoughts and also keep it short and brief. It’s always nice to mention some fond memories you have of the deceased person. Ending the note also with a personalized touch like mentioning the recipients name helps and offering to help them out always good.

Sympathy Messages

Most people who sympathize with someone whose loved one just died only show up during the wake and the funeral. While they think of their grieving friend, they are not sure whether or not making a call or dropping by after the funeral is still necessary. Others assume that the grieving would prefer to be left alone in the meantime. While some may prefer to have their “alone time” after the funeral, there are others who appreciate some company, even if it is just in the form of condolence messages sent by family and friends who cannot be present at the moment.

Sending in these kinds of messages are not limited to long distance friends and relatives. Even if you have attended the funeral, and was there during the wake, sending a message a week after, and making calls a few weeks later will be greatly appreciated, even if the bereaved turns down your offer for help or request to meet up. Knowing that someone thinks of him/her, and that you are willing to get out of your way already gives him/her comfort.

Condolence messages and sympathy messages need not be too spiritual or profound. It only needs to offer comfort in a way that does not try to minimize the pain that the bereaved is going through. Suggestions to “move on with your life without him/her” does not help nor provide comfort. Understand that the surviving family members are in pain, but do not wish to forget their loved one. In fact, most of the foundations established are formed in memory of someone who died. Write a message about how their loved one has touched your life, how he/she was as a friend or a colleague. Tell them about what his ideas were, what he wanted to achieve, what were the dreams that he shared with his friends. Seeing his life through his friends’ perspective will somehow bring comfort to the deceased family, and maybe it will momentarily make them smile. As the years pass, when they read through your words of sympathy again, it will bring peace and healing.

Here is a sample condolence message that is written on a very light tone:

Dear (name),

I am sure you are missing (name of deceased) everyday. I do miss him too. If he could talk right now, I’m sure he will rib me on what a crybaby I am.

This is just to let you know that you are in my thoughts, and I am free this Friday evening. If it’s ok with you, I can drop by and bring pizza and pasta for you and the kids. I’ll be keeping in touch soon.

Another sympathy message example:

Dear (name),

I am sorry to hear about (deceased name)’s death. We are still in shock, especially that we just had the hiking trip last weekend. I remember that we were already planning for the next hiking trip, and he already had more people in mind to take to the trip.

I cannot imagine the pain of losing a spouse, much more at the peak of his career. We will definitely miss him. Our colleagues are also extending their deepest sympathies to you and your family.

I have inserted some of our weekend hiking photos with (deceased name). I hope his smiles will somehow bring back good memories.

You and your family will always be in my prayers.