Words of Condolence

1. The first thing you want to do in your letter is acknowledge the loss of the deceased explicitly by name. A good way to do this is by mentioning that you were sad to hear of their loss. There is no reason to be cute about this. Your friend knows why you are writing, they know what they have lost. Being direct in this part of the letter is the best way to convey your sincere condolences for the loss of a friend.

2. Early in the letter, you should express your sympathies for the loss they have suffered. This can be something as simple as, “I know you are going through a difficult time. I just wanted to let you know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.”

3. Mention a special or amazing quality about deceased. Only do this is if you knew the person who has been lost. Saying something that is not accurate will only make your letter seem less than sincere.

4. If you have a favorite memory of the deceased, mention that, especially if it occurred with your grieving friend. This will remind them of a better time and bring a smile to their face for a moment.

5. Talk to your grieving friend. Note some of their special strengths and great qualities. A great way to do this is to say something along the lines of, “I know you are going to miss (the deceased) very much. I know that you will draw on your own strength and use the strength of your family as you move through this difficult time in your life.”

6. You should offer to help your friend. When doing this it is important to be specific. Everyone in their life will be offering support, and most of the offers to help will never be taken up because the grieving does not want to feel like a burden. Offering specific help lets your friend know that you are genuine in your offer, and that you are willing to help ease their load in their time of need.

7. You should end your letter with a personal expression. Try to avoid things like “thinking of you”, “love”, and “Sincerely”. These types of closing are impersonal and often leave the reader feeling cold. If you and your friend have a special saying when you part ways closing the letter with it is a great way to remind them they are not alone and that you are there for them should they need to call on you.

By following the guidelines above, writing a condolence letter that has the impact you desire is simple. The components listed above will help you convey your sincere emotions while not overwhelming your grieving friend more than they already are. Keep your letter short, write it as if you were talking to the person, and only write things about which you are sincere, and your letter will bring your friend comfort in the days, weeks, and months ahead.